ESTELA DE WULF, Parenting Coach.
Estela De Wulf is a parent educator and coach certified in Positive Discipline. She is also a family conflict resolution consultant and a partner at Roots & Wings – Institute, a Malibu based non-profit organization dedicated to personal growth and family excellence (www.rootsnwings.org).
Estela De Wulf
How the First 6 Months Postpartum is Like Being in Quarantine with Positive Discipline
EPISODE: 2 | DATE: August 7, 2020
Episode: Join me this week as I sit down – virtually, of course – to chat with my positive discipline parenting coach, Estela De Wulf, about how the first 6 months of motherhood with a new baby are much like being in quarantine. We discuss three really important steps that she believes can make all the difference in welcoming a baby into the family, as well as the four essential elements you need to establish in yours and your baby’s life once they have arrived. We talk about when she, as a parenting coach, would ideally like to start working with families (spoiler alert: it’s before the baby is even a concept), the detriment of the Martyr complex, what really establishes a solid emotional, physical and spiritual foundation for children and families, and so much more!
If you’re pregnant, thinking about getting pregnant, or in the first 6-12 months of the throws of life as “mom,” this episode is for you.
The best time to prepare for having a child is before conception.”
- The best time to prepare to have a child is BEFORE conception!
- Estela typically is tapped in to work with parents when their children are about 2 years old, but she wishes she could get in there before they even get pregnant.
- Having a child will transform your life and it’s magical. Also, nothing prepares you for what is about to happen to your life. You must be as prepared as you can be.
- Couples prepare for the physical when it comes to having a child (the nursery, etc.) but they should also really prepare themselves as the foundation of the family.
- Often dads are alienated because they aren’t necessarily “needed,” especially if the mom is breastfeeding. Women tend to perpetuate this feeling in the father’s by wanting to do everything, and being critical if the dad doesn’t do it the “right” way. We need to own that and be inclusive. The bond a child has with their father is very important, and the earlier it starts, the better.
- Ideally, both parents would take the first 1-2 weeks off to be fully with the new baby, and have all the help and support they can get from friends and family when it comes to cooking, cleaning, etc.
- We need to bring back a more tribal approach to raising our children.
- Isolation in motherhood is systemic and it’s almost a badge of honor. We have to stop that. Ask for help. Accept help.
- We need to do more for the mothers around us. If you know someone who has a new baby, bring them food! Drop it at their door so they don’t have to feel like they have to entertain you. No new mother would ever NOT want a homemade meal delivered to their door! Create a sisterhood and help other mamas out.
- Motherhood is awesome, yes. But there are hard parts in an awesome life!
- Before you have your baby, set up a strong support system to help you when the baby arrives (food, cleaning, etc.). A strong support system will allow you to be the best version of yourself for your child.
- The top 3 things to do in the first 6 months of having a new baby are: 1) Set up a support system before the baby is born, 2) Work on your relationship as a couple and make sure you’re on the same page about open communication, and about how things will run once baby arrives, and 3) Once the baby has arrived, establish a very structured and consistent routine with both yourself and your baby. Babies thrive on routine – it makes them feel safe.
- Routine for children is a preventive factor of conflict. It contributes to health and balance and an overall sense of safety and confidence.
- the 4 essential things to remember once the baby arrives are: 1) Teach baby how to sleep 2) Teach baby how to feed, 3) Establish a consistent routine for sleeping and feeding and 4) Practice intentional self care.
- A good rule of thumb with babies is simplicity. They don’t need much or else it gets too overstimulating.
- Physical touch is very important. Hold the baby as much as possible. Skin to skin is very important – for moms and babies and dads and babies as well!
- There is a lot of research on the impact of pre verbal childhood into the rest of our existence including our cognitive and emotional development and physical health and social intelligence. So being able to have a consistent presence and response to children is the most important goal for us to hold during this first year.
- Be attuned to your children’s needs. There is evidence that in doing so, children engage is less risky behavior and perform better academically as they grow up.
- We can help our children regulate by regulating ourselves.
- A big principle in positive discipline is using mistakes as opportunities to learn. And how are we modeling that to our children? Through the way that we deal with our own mistakes and imperfections.
- Something that is key in these first 3 years is learning and growing as a parent understanding child development and behavior and the psychology of the human mind.
Estela De Wulf is a parent educator and coach certified in Positive Discipline. She is also a family conflict resolution consultant and a partner at Roots & Wings – Institute, a Malibu based non-profit organization dedicated to personal growth and family excellence (www.rootsnwings.org). Estela is passionate about walking alongside and holding the hands of parents interested in the path of conscious parenting, which in her opinion is one of the highest forms of fulfillment and contribution. Her vibrant and warm style captivates her clients to embrace their growth as parents with deep commitment, but also lightness and joy. Through her highly individualized coaching, Estela helps her clients not only gain valuable knowledge but also implement real solutions for their very specific challenges and goals. Her scope of work also includes home visits and family dialogues facilitation. Her dream is for every child to grow up in a peaceful compassionate home where they feel unconditionally loved and inspired by well equipped adults to learn and grow into their fullest human potential. Estela’s previous paths included a career as a corporate lawyer and a non-profit executive in South America, leading educational programs of social emotional development for children in public schools in Brazil, her country of origin. She lives in Los Angeles with her husband and their 12-year-old daughter, who is Estela’s favorite teacher and with whom she learns and continues to grows daily.
Resources mentioned in this episode:
Estela mentioned a program she would be running in July, but that was pushed to September, 2020. Hooray!
The class is called Parenting Pre-Schoolers the Positive Discipline Way, and it goes from September 9th to October 21st. It will take place via Zoom on Wednesdays 11:00 AM to 12:30 PM PST.
Cost is $420.
For more details, visit www.rootsnwings.com