Dr. Gertrude Lyons
How to Thrive in Motherhood by Rewriting Your Mother Code
EPISODE: 92 | DATE: February 9, 2023
“Mothering is positioned as suffering or a loss or sacrifice or this ultimate expression of being a woman and something we’ve been put on this earth to do and know how to do it naturally. But neither of those ends of the spectrum are true.”
How has motherhood felt to you? Has it felt easy? Hard? A mixed bag?
I’ve been pretty open and honest about how much motherhood has thrown me for a loop. It came with some pretty dark moments, and though those dark moments are fewer and farther between, they are still there sometimes.
Someone once asked me, “Why did you decide to have kids?”
The question jarred me. Because the honest answer was: I didn’t know the answer. I was embarrassed and quite shocked that I didn’t know that answer.
And when I really thought about it, the truth is that I decided to have kids because that’s what was modeled for me. That’s the story that was told to me: you do well in school, you get into a good college, you get a good job, you find a solid partner, you get married and you have kids and you live happily ever after.
I never questioned it. I just assumed it was supposed to be my story.
I think that’s part of the reason motherhood was so jarring to me. I was expecting to feel filled with joy. I was expecting my child to do the things the textbook told me she’d do. I was expecting to walk out of the hospital in my skinny jeans because my body was supposed to just bounce right back to the way it was before it grew a human (ha). I was expecting my relationship to stay solid.
None of that was my reality.
I wasn’t prepared for the feelings of resentment, a sense of longing for my old life, a sense of grief for my old self, a sense of shame and guilt for having those feelings of resentment and longing. I wasn’t prepared for the loneliness, for the helpless feeling of a total lack of control as I tried to be an expert at this role as a mother on the very first day on the job and failed. And continued to fail as my daughter went through every stage of her first year of life.
Motherhood threw me for a loop literally at every turn, and I wasn’t prepared for it.
Today on the show, life coach Dr. Gertrude Lyons and I discuss this story of motherhood, this mother code that was passed down to us both from our own mothers or primary caregivers, as well as from our environment and societal and cultural messaging. She has dedicated her life to helping mothers redefine and rewrite their own mother code such that it fits their beliefs, not the ones that they borrowed from anyone else.
We talk about:
– Mom Guilt
– Mom Shame
– Losing your sense of identity in motherhood (and how to get it back)
– Reparenting yourself
– How motherhood triggers traumas and wounds that need to be healed
And much more. Tune in and be prepared to write the story of motherhood the way you want it to be.
ABOUT DR. LYONS
Dr. Gertrude Lyons, Founder and CEO of Rewrite The Mother Code, faculty at Wright Graduate University.
Dr. Lyons is a leading edge trainer and educator in human emergence, lifestyle, parenting, leadership development, career, relationship satisfaction and success, and women’s development, and through her work inspires people to take control of their own personal transformations. She has made it her mission to challenge traditional notions of mothering by facilitating raw, open conversations around mothering, womanhood, and parenthood that no one else is having. She has spent the last 18 years empowering individuals, couples, parents and families to bring out their best selves through helping them realize meaningful, successful lives, with the aim of bringing new perspectives on personal transformation to as many people as possible.
Today, Dr. Lyons is on a mission to help women reclaim their lives through mothering and create a safe space where women can express their dreams, fears, and truths around motherhood. We are all mothers, and together we can support and empower one another to be the best versions of ourselves.
Dr. Lyons received her BBA in Finance and Accounting from St. Mary’s College, Notre Dame, her MA in Psychology from Antioch University McGregor School and her EdD and MA in Transformational Leadership and Coaching at the Wright Graduate University for the Realization of Human Potential. Dr. Lyons is a founding member of SOFIA (Society of Femininity in Action) established by Dr. Judith Wright to train women in feminine leadership. Dr. Lyons is also an adjunct faculty at MMCI, Midwest Maternal Child Institute.
Resources mentioned in this episode
Ep. #73 with Dr. Sarah Bren – How to Parent More Effectively and Deepen the Connection with Your Child
Parenting Coach Mary Van Geffen
Thank you so much for listening!
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