Jenny Schatzle

Decoding Couples

Marriage & Relationships: Why Love Is Not Enough with Stacey Sherrell and Rachel Facio

EPISODE: 98  |    DATE: June 21, 2023

“You’ve got to connect to the person in front of you, not the person that you moved in with or the person you said “I do” with. Those are two different people.”

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Key Takeaways

At what point in your relationship is it time to see a therapist?

Is love enough to keep a relationship going?

Will having kids negatively impact my relationship?

Stacey Sherrell and Rachel Facio are two licensed marriage and family therapists who have made waves with their down-to-earth, practical relationship advice on their popular platform, Decoding Couples, and they’ve joined us on The Mom Feed Podcast today to share some advice!

This episode is one of those ones you’ll want to listen to more than once, and preferably with a pen and paper. Listen to it alone, listen to it with your partner, and then do it all over again. And share it with your fellow friends in relationships. Because we could all use some help, especially if we’ve got kids in the mix.

You will learn not just a lot about your relationship in this episode, but also about yourself.

Be prepared to go deep and to get answers about your relationship so you and your partner can thrive together.

Some key takeaways include:

1. When it’s time to see a therapist (spoiler alert – it’s about 6 years too late from the time commonly thought to be right).

2. Why you should regularly be maintaining your relationship even before problems arise.

3. Why love is not enough and what it really takes to maintain a relationship.

4. When it’s time to walk away.

5. Why your children aren’t the problem in the your relationship (hi, it’s you. You’re the problem. It’s you. And your partner. More on that inside the show)

6. What the building blocks of a healthy relationship actually consist of.

7. How Rom Coms and Disney set us up for diaster with the happily-ever-after story.

8. Why you need to constantly choose each other – not the person you married, but the person sitting right in front of you (they are not the same).

9. The defaulted roles of men and women in relationships that become heightened and lead to resentment when kids come along (and the conversations you can have around shifting that).

And much much more!


“I believe that change and growth can occur when there is an authentic relationship built on trust, respect and safety. I pride myself on creating that relationship by providing you with support and gentle guidance during sessions, but also by challenging you to take a honest look at what patterns and behaviors have led to your dissatisfaction in life. Increasing personal control and awareness in your every day choices and relationships is the key to a healthy, satisfying life. Everyone, at any age and life stage, deserves a space that is truly their own to process the highs and lows that naturally occur throughout life. My hope is to create an environment that is your space for change and healing.

The areas of my practice that I am most specialized in are working with grief and loss, trauma and life transitions. I understand how much courage it takes to start seeing a therapist, especially if you have been through a traumatic event, difficult loss or are feeling like a vulnerable individual that is struggling to connect with the world around you. I not only enjoy the work I do, but I have immense gratitude for those who walk through my door and chose to start their journey of change with me.

I am a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist licensed in California( Stacey Sherrell LMFT #100694) . I am currently a member of American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT) and California Association for Marriage and Family Therapy (CAMFT). I use an eclectic approach stemming from different theoretical backgrounds such as Family Systems, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Mindfulness, and Solution Focused Therapy to better help serve you and your unique needs. I am trained in EMDR and can provide EMDR services in person or virtually.”


“Clients call me when they need someone to roll up their sleeves and help them dive in to the mess. I start the awkward conversations. Breach uncomfortable topics. I help families make sense of a mess that seems impossible to clean up. I have a reputation for helping you unpack the complicated parts of your life so that you don’t have to carry that weight forever. It may seem like the spark is gone and the light is out, but that’s where I come in.

Whether we are navigating through the heavy stuff or making sense of the past I believe my style and approach impacts clients and moves them forward. Being apart of your journey is a privilege. Not everyone is meant to take on what others unpack. That’s why I love what I do, and why my clients thrive and see results. I know from my years of experience working with individuals and couples that if you are reading this page and considering therapy, you have that ability to make big changes in your life.

My advanced training in Emotion Focused Therapy allows me to provide specialized services that are evidence based (research backed & validated). My professional experience includes working with a domestic violence /sexual assault survivor organization and providing intensive field based mental health services for the Department of Mental Health. I also hold and additional certification from the State of California as a Domestic Violence Advocate.  I also practice Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and Attachment Theory.

Advanced EFT Training

  • Integrating Sex & Sexuality in EFT Couples Work (Dr. Silvina Irwin & Dr. Lisa Blum)
  • Emotion Focused Therapy for Couples Externship (Dr. Silvina Irwin & Dr. Lisa Palmer Olsen)
  • Advanced EFT Core Skills Training (Dr. Silvina Irwin & Dr. Lisa Palmer Olsen)

Outside the Office

When I’m not in the office,  I’m providing real time tools and support through Decoding Couples – a FREE online resource for couples to work on their relationship at their pace, from the comfort of their own home!

What puts a smile on my face? The beach, my family and surrounding myself with ridiculously yummy food. I try to laugh as much as possible and not take myself too seriously in the process.”

Quick Links:





Tune into the Decoding Couple Podcast HERE!

Resources mentioned in this episode

Brita Bushnell, PhD

Emily Fletcher’s letter about her divorce

Abraham Hicks

Thank you so much for listening!

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And remember, mama you’re doing GREAT!