Parenting is tough work. Parenting in a pandemic? Harder.
Try these proven tactics the next time you’re are about to lose it on your kids.
You are a superhero. I know that, because you are mom. This work is not for the faint of heart, and most of us stepped into it not knowing what the heck we were getting ourselves into. Oh, we thought we knew, didn’t we? We thought about all the ways in which we would show up as a parent. The organic food we would make for our children that they would happily scarf down in gratitude.The parenting techniques we would abide by that would be sooooo effective that our kids would be the most behaved on the block. The sleep training we swore we would do (and the sleeping arrangements we swore we would never do) that left us feeling refreshed every morning.
We didn’t plan for the uneaten food, day after day. The heartbreak of seeing all of our efforts go to waste. The worrying about whether our kids were getting enough nutrients with so many uneaten meals. The dismay when our kids aren’t responding the way the books said they would if we spoke to them a certain way. The utter exhaustion and “bad habits” we are now into from rocking and nursing our kids to sleep, and finally just letting them sleep in our beds because, gosh darnit, we are too tired for anything else.
An Inconvenient Truth:
Superheroes without a cape.
(photo credit: Pexels/EnginAkyurt)
So here is what happens after a few weeks or months of motherhood: we realize the harsh, inconvenient truth: we have to be superheroes without the benefit of immorality. We are still, unfortunately, human, with all the limitations that a human comes with. Like the need for sleep. And rest. And alone time. And peace and quiet from time to time (is it really too much to ask?).
As human mothers working at superhero levels, we are tired AF (I’m sorry but there is no better term for it). There is only so much patience and poise we possess before we absolutely lose our minds. And when we are operating on little sleep and even littler patience, you know what happens with our littles: power struggles. They can smell our overwhelm from a mile away, and they react not by comforting us, because that’s not their job. They feel unsafe and then they throw tantrums, because they know no other way to operate.
(I’m suddenly reminded of a plaque at my cottage that read: “stress: the desire to kick the s*&t out of somebody who desperately needs it.” Accurate. Though I didn’t ever think I would feel that way about my child.)
The Truth About Pandemic Parenting:
The moms are not ok.
(photo credit: Pexels/KseniaChernaya)
So many days of the week – especially parenting in this pandemic, which should be considered an extreme sport, by the way – we get pushed to our absolute limit. Nay, beyond our absolute limit. Way beyond it. So what happens?
We snap. Our senses are overloaded (hear more about moms and sensory overload on this episode with occupational therapist and coach for busy moms, Brooke Weinstein). And when our senses get overloaded – boom – we snap at the closest victim, which is usually our children.
Suddenly you hear this voice coming out of you, one you don’t recognize, one that is angry and yelling and saying things in such a manner that you swore you’d never do or say all those years ago when you were reading those parenting books:
“BRUSH YOUR TEETH!! NOWWWWWWW!!!!!!!”
“PICK OUT A PAIR OF SHOES AND GET OUT THE DOOR RIGHT THIS INSTANT!”
“IF YOU DON’T TURN OFF THE IPAD RIGHT NOW THERE WILL BE NO SCREEN TIME TOMORROW!!!”
“YOU DO WHAT I SAY! WHY? BECAUSE I SAID SO!”
The Inevitable Aftermath of Snapping:
Guilt & Shame
(photo credit: Pexels/LizaSummer)
The moment you lose your shit, you feel that instant ping of guilt. Shame. Remorse. How could I yell at my sweet innocent little child? What have I become?
You apologize, which is good, because modeling an apology for our children is really important. Not only does it show them how to have healthy relationships, but it also shows them that people make mistakes, and that you can recover from them. It’s actually how life works. It’s how we grow. So yay for that.
But not yay for losing it in the first place. Because you don’t feel good about getting to a place where you felt compelled to snap in the first place. Think of how many times you got to the point of losing your shit before you became a parent. Did it happen every day? Multiple times a day? I’m going to guess that no, it did not.
The Days of Yore:
Life BC: Before Children.
(photo credit: Pexels/JonathanBorba)
Before I became a parent, I fancied myself to be one of the most kind, patient and understanding people on the planet. And by all intents and purposes, I was. But I was also rested. My needs were taken care of. Not just once in a while. But every day. I slept well. Ate well. Got time alone to rest and restore. Got vacation time. Reading time. Just…time.
Alone.
Is it starting to make sense now? Imagine before children if we had a little gremlin running around the house, demanding food, drink, shelter, clothing, toys, pulling and pushing things all over the house, making messes abound, pulling and poking and prodding at you. All. Day. Long. Do you think you’d be calm all the time? OF COURSE NOT!!! (I’m sorry, did I just yell?)
Am I saying our children are gremlins? No. But they are kind of like the a**hole cat videos that are so popular on You Tube, knowing down vases off dressers for no good reason. It’s not cool!
Ok, so now am I saying that children are like asshole cats? Well, sort of! But they are much worse, because cats are quiet in their opinions. Children are very much not.
(I’m only half kidding).
Ok, enough comparing our children to gremlins and animals.
Let’s get to the good news:
If you’re losing your shit with your kids, you’re not alone.
(photo credit: Pexels/AndreaPiacquadio)
In fact, there is a very good reason for it.
Everyone has a breaking point, and depending on how old your kids are (and how many you have), you probably reached yours…oh about a week after you gave birth, and then again about two weeks into the pandemic when you realized there was no end in sight and you felt like you might suffocate.
What’s even better than the fact that you are not alone is that there are some real scientific tools we as mothers – and parents, really – can use right now to help lessen the occurrences of these often regrettable though completely understandable outburts. I’m here to share 4 of them with you here, right now.
1. Breathe, mama. Breathe.
But do it properly. Allow me to explain.
When you feel your anxiety rising throughout the day, and you are about to flip your lid at your kids, take a pause to breathe. It will reset your nervous system and instantly calm you down (more on the science of breath here).
Everyone responds differently to different breathing techniques and there are many you can do. We are all unique and what works for me might not work for you!
Box Breathing
Step 1. Breath in to the count of four : 1…..2….3….4
Step 2. Hold that in breath for the count of four: 1…2…3…4
Step 3. Slowly release that breath for the count of four: 1…2…3…4
Step 4. Hold that there, don’t take a breath, just hold it for the count of four: 1…2…3…4.
Step 5. Now try this again but instead of counting to four, try counting to 5 or 6.
Here is a visual for reference:
If you’re looking for a guided meditation course that can teach you how to meditate anywhere, anytime, and without any crazy hand positioning of woo woo chanting, look no further than Ziva Meditation. The founder, Emily Fletcher, is a former Broadway dancer who cured her insomnia in one night after learning how to meditate in India. She has since shared her experience with thousands of busy working professionals, celebrities, moms and even children (they just released ZivaKids – a meditation course for children!) how to harness the power of breathing and meditation in order to make them more productive and less stressed. And she has the science to prove it.
Emily teaches a basic breathing technique inside the course called 2X breathing. Here is how it works.
Step 1: Breathe in for 2 counts.
Step 2: Hold it at the top and then try to sip in a little bit more air.
Step 3. Now breathe out for 4 counts. Try to hold out the air at the bottom for a second or two.
Step 4. Now breathe in normally.
Repeat this a few times, then breath in for 3 counts and out for 6, and then in for 4 counts and out for 8. Do this as many times as you need to in order to feel calmer. Even a minute will make a difference.
Did you try it? How do you feel? Did that make a difference in your mood at all? I hope so!
Okay mamas, let’s move on. And when I say move, I mean MOVE!
2. Move Your Body out of stress
How? By MOVING YOUR BODY.
I had a wonderful interview with occupational therapist and coach for busy moms, Brooke Weinstein, about how important it is to move our bodies, for kids and adults alike. Why? Because in order to move feelings through our bodies, we need to literally move our bodies! We need to move that energy through.
So the next time you want to lose your mind, try some movement first. You don’t have to get your workout gear on or go anywhere special to do it. Just move where you are! Drop down in the kitchen and do some squats. Put on a fun song and dance around the house with the kids. There are so many ways to move! Here are some other suggestions for you:
- Do arm circles and ankle rolls
- Do hip circles – for more about the beauty and benefits of hip circles check out my interview with Tandy Gutierrez
- Stretch – simply reach down and touch your toes, spread your legs and reach to one side, then the other. Let your head hang heavy in the middle. Shake your head yes and no.
- Shoulder rolls
- Dance!
- Take your dog for a walk (you can also take your iguana or goldfish too – whatever suits you)
- Play Tag with your Kids
- Do Crab Walk Races
- Do Alternating Lunges
- Run of jog
- Jump Rope
- Do a sun salutation (or a full yoga class if you can!)
- Do 30 minutes of Pilates (my favorite is this online studio with Tandy Gutierrez of Unicorn Wellness)
Move it or lose it, mama! For real!
3. Catch yourself in the act.
I recently interviewed Melinda Moyer Wenner, a parenting and science journalist about her book, How to Raise Kids Who Aren’t Assholes. Of the many nuggets of wisdom she shared on the show, one of them was about what to do when you’re about to snap at your children!
She shared about a book by clinical social worker, Carla Naumburg called How to Stop Losing Your Shit With Your Kids. Melinda tried to summarize one of the strategies Carla discusses in the book about what to do when you’re about to snap at your kids.
She reiterates the importance of first recognizing your triggers: too many noises, too many messes, too many things going on. What triggers you? Basically, what makes it impossible for you to think rationally? Try your best to control those. For example, I get triggered by too many noises. So if the radio is on and the TV is on and everyone is screaming, I’m more likely to lose it. So I’ll turn off the TV and turn down the radio and lessen the amount of noise I can within my control. That’s the first step: figure out what can you do to manipulate your environment to help you calm down.
This doesn’t make you immune from losing it, of course, but it helps. The next step is to be able to recognize the moment before you’re about to snap. There are often 2 seconds where you recognize you’re about to snap. You won’t always catch yourself, but with practice, when you’re in those 2 seconds before unleashing the primitive yell, stop and literally do anything else. Run into the closet and close the door. Do a crazy dance. Intentionally place your hands on the counter and take 3 deep breaths (do you see how all these techniques play into themselves?).
4. I’m going to say the M word:
Meditate.
Finding peace and calm inside yourself at the beginning and end of each day can be incredibly helpful. But it can also be a little intimidating. Who has time for a 40 minute meditation? Who even has time for 1 minute of meditation a day? I can barely pee without a child on my lap, much less sit in silence alone for a minute.
If you’ve got 40 minutes to meditate each day, good on you, mama. Do it! But if you’re more like me where finding even 5 minutes is a blessing, use that 5 minutes for all it’s worth. I aim to meditate for 5 minutes in the morning before the kids wake up. And even if they are up, if my partner is around, I’ll boldly request 5 minutes to myself to meditate, or as I like to call it, become an able bodied human, before starting the mayhem of the day (I have 2 young children. It’s mayhem).
And then before I go to bed at night, I take another 5 minutes to myself. I have watched this transform my life and my state of being ever so subtly into a calmer and more centered mother. It’s not foolproof, of course. Nothing really is (except for chocolate). But my gosh, it has been a game changer for me. I honestly don’t lose it as much with my kids, and I can compartmentalize all the moving parts of my busy days at home with the kids (the screaming, the messes, the cooking, the cleaning, the tantrums, the meltdowns, the chasing the kids around the house trying to get clothes and diapers on…you get the picture).
And bonus – meditating before bed has actually improved my quality of sleep, so even though I may not be getting the quantity I once got, at least I’ve been able to improve the quality.
The science is clear on this, mamas. When our mind is clear we are better at making decisions, and you know how many small and large decisions we have to make throughout the day. So if you can give meditation a try then do so for yourself and for your family.
If you’re wondering where to start, try just sitting in silence for 5 minutes. If you’d rather have a guided meditation, there are plenty of free options on You Tube, or you can get an app like Calm or The Tapping Solution. You could also try the meditation course I referenced earlier from Ziva Meditation.
Another option is Meryl Arnett’s 10-15 minute guided meditations found here.
Any option is a good option if it gets you meditating, mama!
In Conclusion
We aren’t going to stop losing our shit with our kids. We’re just not. As moms, we are operating on sensory overload most of the day, and there is only so much any human being can handle before they break. So normalize it and stop guilting and shaming yourself about it. But do something about it too. If you do nothing else, remember to breathe. How many times a day do you catch yourself holding your breath? I promise you, it’s adding to the stress. And fun fact: breathing is free and you can do it anywhere. So it’s a pretty effective strategy for managing stress. So is dancing and moving your body! You can do it anywhere! Meditating is a little harder, I’ll give you that, but my gosh is it ever worth its weight in gold (or rather, measured in the moments that I don’t end up losing my shit with my kids).
You’ve got this, mama.
Lauren
xxx
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Thank you for reading this post! It was written among brain fog and sleep deprivation, so please forgive any typos and run on sentences. If you aren’t already listening to our podcast, go ahead and check it out here and subscribe if it resonates!
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Ok bye.
About two years after having my daughter, I was still dealing with some major night sweats. And if you’re married, you know that it’s not like you can just change the sweat-soaked sheets in the middle of the night. Your spouse wouldn’t appreciate that very much. So you do what you do – grab a towel and sleep on that, and then you’re awake for another hour trying to get your sleep back, and you wake up in the morning feeling unrested and quite disgusting.
Aside from the night sweats, it was taking me forever to fall asleep at night. That’s not unusual for my anxiety-ridden very noisy, very-busy-trying-to-solve-the-world’s-problems-from-my-side of the-bed-typical self, but it was different and I could feel it. It wasn’t just my mind. Something was going on in my body.
Add to that the fact that my husband and I were trying to get pregnant with our second and I kept either not getting pregnant, or having chemical pregnancies.
I talked to my dear friend and doctor of functional and integrative medicine, Dr. Dawn DeSylvia,and she recommended something called Seed Cycling.
“Seed what?” I remember thinking.
Seed cycling is an ancient practice the origins of which I’m not entirely certain. It involves ingesting specific seeds (which I’ll get into) throughout specific times of the month (which I’ll get into) to promote either the increase or support of estrogen or progesterone, the two sex hormones that play a huge role in both getting and staying pregnant, among other things.
When they are out of balance, it can cause infertility, night sweats, trouble sleeping, hair loss, dry skin, increased menopausal symptoms, and a whole host of other symptoms.
Are you nodding your head along? Do you recognize yourself in some of these symptoms?
Great. Well, not great. But also….yes…great, because seed cycling just may be able to help you.
Let’s go back a minute to my inability to either get or stay pregnant.
I decided to give this seed cycling a try, while also consulting the help of my acupuncturist (an angel on earth named Dr. Mike Maguire, if ever you’re looking for someone in LA to help you with hormones or any other imbalance you may have).
I worked with Dr. Mike once every other week to help me chill the eff out, and I started seed cycling.
I was absolutely blown away by the results, and for me, they were immediate.
When I started the seeds, I was about 5 days away from getting my period. I began seed cycling and my period didn’t come. This may seem like an undesirable outcome, but from what Dr. DeSylvia had told me about seed cycling – and from my research – I was told that it was optimal to bleed on the new moon and ovulate on the full moon for maximum fertility. That’s not to say that you must ovulate on the full moon to get pregnant – and surely many women cycle in reverse – but for optimal fertility, that’s what the research suggests.
My period was 5 days late. 6 days. 7 days. 8 days.
Now, this wasn’t unusual for me, because my period has never been regular since the day it started when I was 13.
Finally, on the 8th day – my period came.
I looked at the calendar.
It was the first day of the new moon.
“Huh,” I thought to myself. Must be a coincidence.
But then I began tracking my ovulation. And do you want to take a guess when that stick I peed on showed me when I was ovulating?
The first day of the full moon.
I thought it was a coincidence, but then my night sweats went away. And I started sleeping better.
Huh.
I gave it another month.
Same thing happened: I bled on the new moon and ovulated on the full moon.
I gave it another month. Same thing.
I would have given it a fourth month, but I couldn’t, because by the fourth month, I was pregnant.
And I stayed pregnant.
As if that weren’t crazy enough, I got pregnant during a 2 ½ month long evacuation from our home during a wildfire. Stressed much? Couch surfing with my husband and 2 ½ year old with the only belongings we had grabbed the morning we got the evacuation orders that left us with an hour to pack up and leave? You bet I was stressed!
We were on our second of what would eventually be four houses in our evacuation journey (at that point, we still weren’t cleared to go back into our neighborhood and it had been 10 days), and I was ovulating.
“We can’t try now!” I told my husband, “It just didn’t feel right.”
“Well, we tried when times were good,” he told me, “Why not now? This little soul is going to choose when to come into the world. It’s not up to us.”
I shrugged my shoulders and, well, I’ll spare you the rest of the details.
Suffice it to say that 9 ½ months later, my son Liam came blazing into the world (and I do mean blazing. I went into labor at 5am and he was born at 7:52am that same day. We barely made it to the hospital. But that’s a story for another day).
SO – am I saying that seed cycling can help you get pregnant? No. Am I saying that seed cycling can stop your night sweats or help you sleep better or any of the other things I mentioned? Also no.
But am I saying that it’s possible that it could have similar effects for you, that it could help to balance your hormones, that it could help to uncover some underlying issues keeping you from being in your best health. Am I saying you should maybe consider trying it?
Yes. Yes I am.
So…what the heck is seed cycling and how does it work its magic?
Well, if you want to hear all about it, you can tune into the episode I did with Dr. Dawn DeSylvia on Thursday January 21st, 2021.
But, in case you’d rather read about it (or do both), here is how it works.
You can either go along with your current cycle or you can choose to cycle with the lunar calendar. For the purposes of clearly explaining how it works, I’m going to tell you the lunar calendar way.
From the New Moon to the Full Moon, you will take estrogen promoting seeds. They are:
- Chia
- Pumpkin
- Flax
From the Full Moon to the New Moon, you will take progesterone promoting seeds. They are:
- Sesame
- Sunflower
The easiest way to consume them is to throw them in a smoothie, or grind them up and put them in a salad or sprinkle them over your favorite savory food (like a Buddha bowl, curry, whatever your heart can concoct) or even over an acai bowl (wow, that was a long sentence).
It’s important that the seeds are not cooked, so make sure to consume them raw. Make sure they are organic, and if possible, grind them up before consuming. That’s when the oils are the most potent. But if you can’t make that happen, taking them whole is fine. Just be sure to chew a lot – more than you normally would.
What will begin to happen for you is going to be your unique experience.
When I tested out seed cycling with a group of 40 women, I had reports of everything from periods becoming regular to stomach aches to acne to no changes or symptoms at all.
The idea with seed cycling is to bring the body back into its natural rhythms, and in doing so, it can help to reveal certain blockages in detox pathways or other conditions you may not have been aware of, among other results.
Tune into my episode with Dr. Dawn DeSylvia to hear more, including who seed cycling is for (spoiler alert: it’s not just for women), and exactly how seed cycling works to bring the body back into balance. We also discuss the importance of hormones as the orchestrator of the rest of the systems in the body, and touch a little bit on intermittent fasting, which can also have positive effects on balancing hormones.
If you have questions, please feel free to email me at lauren@themomfeed.com. I’ll be happy to answer whatever questions I can, or to pass them along to Dr. DeSylvia on your behalf.
Cheers to balancing your hormones, mamas!
Lots of love,
Lauren
xxx
Gift giving can be wasteful, especially since we probably already have more than we need (present company included: do I have two stand mixers? I do. Two blenders? Yes. Two food processors? You got me again…).
That said…:
“I don’t want this beautiful, thoughtful gift you got me!” said no one EVER.
So, we’ve got two things at play here: we don’t really need anything, but we are also suckers for a thoughtful gift that can enhance our lives (and for the record, yes, I do use all of my stand mixers, blenders and food processors).
In this case, what is a woman to do?
Well, in my humble opinion, if you want to get into the joys of giving this season anyway, why not do it with a purpose? What purpose, you ask? Why, whatever you want it to be!
In choosing what to gift your friends and family this year, consider…
- Supporting a local business.
- Supporting a woman owned business.
- Supporting a business that is good for the environment.
- Supporting a black owned business.
- Supporting a business that supports the people behind the company.
- Giving gifts that encourage self care
- Giving gifts that encourage using non toxic ingredients
Whatever your values are, insert them into the reason behind why you make a purchase this year. And when you give that gift, be sure to share the story behind the company to the person receiving the gift. It’s important that they know that in receiving your gift, some hard working business owner is literally doing a happy dance because you have made a palpable difference in their life as an entrepreneur. Their vision-come-to life in your hands has paid off, and there is no greater gift than that!
I have spent more than my fair share of time online this year, and I’m happy to say it has paid off! Because I’ve collected a list of my personally favorite gifts that I would feel amazing both receiving and giving. The products are from women owned businesses – in some cases, local – that also support the environment in most cases.
Gift with a purpose this year, mamas. Here we go!
✓ Women owned
✓ Mama owned
✓ Local (LA)
This new t-shirt company is owned by two sisters, Anna and Amanda Kloots. They have already gained quite some traction with celebrities like Selma Blair, Jennifer Love Hewitt, Maria Shriver and Sarah Michelle Gellar sporting their totes and tees. The sisters dreamed up the company together and brought it to life in June of 2020. When you buy from Hooray.For, you aren’t just supporting a woman owned, local business, you are also supporting a cause. 50% of the proceeds from each sale goes toward a charity the founders have chosen that relates specifically to the topic of the tee shirt. And bonus: since both women have a knack for fashion the shirts are soft and supple, and perfect for even the most discerning of fashionistas. You cannot go wrong with this gift! Get one for yourself while you’re at it! They also sell face masks, tshirts for youth, and even onesies and baby pjs for the holidays!
Follow them on Instagram.
✓ Women owned
✓ Mama owned
✓ Good for the planet
It’s safe to say that face masks are here to stay. Even once we get a handle on Covid-19, I suspect face masks will remain mandatory in many of our day to day activities, like flying, shopping and the like. But just because we have to wear them, doesn’t mean we can’t feel great about wearing them!
I bought these face masks for myself and my daughter earlier this year from The Simple Folk, a mom owned organic clothing company for kids. These masks are so soft and I LOVE the colors! But what I love most of all is supporting a small, women owned company. The Simple Folk was started by two moms, Abi and Jamie, who dreamt of a “minimalist line of nature-inspired, ethical, organic, and high comfort play clothes for their children that are easy to wash and easy on the senses, so they last for years.” These two moms saw their vision come to life while still nursing their little ones, and now I am one of the lucky mamas who get to enjoy the fruits of their labor!
While it is a children’s clothing company, they make masks for children and adults alike. They are my choice for masks, and I cannot recommend gifting these to the ones in your life as well!
Follow them on Instagram.
3. Your favorite Cookbook
✓ Women owned
✓ Mama owned
Covid has turned many people into chefs, have you noticed? I have a bachelor friend who never used to cook and basically lived at the Whole Foods and Erewhon food bar who has become a baker extraordinaire! I often get texts from him with questions about ingredients to use in his latest creations. It makes me smile every time!
Whether you know someone like my friend or you just know someone with an appreciation for cooking, consider gifting them one of your favorite cookbooks this year. In doing so, you’re literally supporting the author of that book. And as I cookbook author myself, I can tell you how much time and energy (and tears!) goes into creating recipes.
Some of my personal favorite cookbooks are obviously my own, The Accidental Paleo, as well as Blissful Basil, a fellow mama and food blogger. I also LOVE N’Ice Cream, a vegan ice cream cookbook written by two women, and Oh She Glows creator and mama (and fellow Canadian!), Angela Liddon has two wonderful cookbooks. And I love Kelly LeVeque of Be Well By Kelly’s books and online courses as well. And score – she is another fellow mom boss and business owner, local to LA.
✓ Women owned
✓ Local (LA)
Ceramic goods are always in fashion, and what better gift to give than a locally woman owned ceramics shop here in LA? Gift someone a beautiful vase, a lovely bowl or cup that your friend can look at every day and feel happy about. The founder, Emily Tyra, is a former dancer who has found that in creating ceramics, she is transported back to her years in the ballet studio. She has the most beautiful pieces and I cannot recommend her enough! Shop Rare Bird Goods.
Follow her on Instagram.
5. Cold Pressed Juice from Little West
✓ Women co-owned
✓ Family owned (Cassandra and Andrew are a husband and wife duo with two children)
✓ Mama owned
✓ Good for the planet
If you’re not in LA, you can’t do this gift option BUT you can certainly find an option close to you!
This company, Little West, is owned and operated by my friends Cassandra and Andrew Walker, parents of two little boys, West and Wolf. Cassandra (who you can check out in Episode #4 of The Mom Feed) inspired me to become a chef, and is a genius when it comes to flavor combinations. Her juices are nothing short of wonderful. You can order them directly to your door, and feel good knowing you are supporting a local, small business that works closely with sustainable farmers to help the planet. They also plant a tree for every order placed to offset the carbon emissions created by that order! You cannot lose with this one.
Follow them on Instagram.
✓ Women owned
✓ Mama owned
We could all use a little inspiration these days, and I love these affirmation cards to help with that. There are no shortage of cards, but I’m a particular fan of these ones from Love Powered Co and Gabby Bernstein, two women and mama owned companies.
✓ Women co-owned
✓ Mama owned
✓ Good for the planet
I’ll admit, I have wanted these bags for a long time and kept not taking the plunge. They are pricey. But as with health care, you invest today so you don’t pay tomorrow. Our planet is in peril, and every choice we make with our actions and our wallets directly impacts the world we are leaving for our children, their children, and so on. I personally want to be a part of the group that stood up and said, “Enough.”
I know how convenient plastic zip bags are. Trust me. I’m a mother. But – the planet. The planet is more important than my convenience. Because without the planet, nothing matters. If you just google plastic bags and pollution, I promise you won’t like what you find. This is a great article that lists ten facts about plastic bags you won’t feel great about.
If you’re a mama, I know what you’re thinking: ziplock bags are life! When kids are young, you need them to store frozen purees, and when they get older, you need them for snacks for school, among other things. Fear not, mama! Because a few years ago, a fellow mama began to observe her use of plastic bags in her home, and she thought: there has to be a better way! After much research and testing, the bags you may have heard of were born: Stasher bags are silicone bags available in a variety of sizes for your convenience. No more plastic zip bags needed! Head over to their website and snag 15% off your first order for first time customers (or at least that is the offer at the time of this article). Stock up and gift these to anyone in your life who cares about the planet.
Follow them on Instagram.
8. Reusable Water Bottle from BKR
✓ Women co-owned
✓ Mama owned
✓ Good for the planet
If you are still using throw away plastic bottles, please take this with love: PLEASE STOP!!!!!!!! (yes, I’m yelling, but kindly and with all the love in my heart for you and our planet). I’m not saying it to judge, I’m saying it because if you don’t know, now you know, and if you’re reading this, I know you care about the planet. This article will give you a good overview of how bad plastic water bottles are for the planet, so have a read and please please make the switch! For your health, for your family’s health, and for the health of the family!
There are plenty of reusable water bottle options in the world today, but one of my favorites has to be this woman owned company, BKR. The idea for the company was born in 2006 when best girlfriends Tal Winter and Kate Culter dreamed up a company that breaks up with plastic bottles.
The rest is history:
“In 2011, Tal and Kate launched bkr with a focus on one main concept which in their minds was Beauty 101: drinking water is the foundation for soft, dewy, pretty skin–and wtf–hydrating shouldn’t be so hard. The clean, addictive, cult favorite, small-mouth, original glass water bottle was sustainable and eco at its core, but it also made drinking water blissful and easy for a change and people started noticing. A growing obsession with the pretty little bottle resulted in reports that they people were finally truly hydrated and, as a result, they were looking and feeling better. And, as it’s said, the rest is history.”
Their bottles are beautiful, and a perfect gift for any friend who wants to hydrate their way to soft, supple skin any time of year while taking care of our planet too.
Follow them on Instagram.
9. Reusable Metal Straws
✓ Good for the planet
Ok, this one is for the planet…again (are you noticing a theme here?). If you’re still using plastic straws, I’m just going to go right ahead and say it: you need to stop (ok, now I’m just being bossy. But sometimes that’s what the situation calls for). Straws pollute the environment and end up in the digestive systems of too many of our land and marine life. Don’t believe me? Check out this article for the details (and a disturbing video of a poor little turtle with a plastic straw stuck in his nostril – it’ll make you never want to use a plastic straw again).
But don’t be sad, because there are so many options to replace straws! I love these gold plated ones from World Market, but just go to your favorite local shop or restaurant and you can find them there.
10. A Year Long Gratitude Calendar
✓ Good for the soul
My husband’s 88 year old cousin, Phil, is a legend. Every year, we go to his and his wife, Pat’s, house to exchange Christmas gifts. Last year, he gifted me this Year of Gratitude calendar and I swear, it’s something I look forward to reading every morning. Much like the affirmation cards I mentioned above, each day there is a quote from various people that helps shift my mood for the better. It’s hard to feel unhappy when you’re feeling grateful. It’s safe to say that 2020 has rocked us to our core, some of us more than others, particularly if we have lost loved ones, jobs, relationships, etc. But as long as we are alive and breathing, there is always something to be grateful for. This calendar is a beautiful reminder of that. I highly recommend gifting it to anyone in your life! I don’t know of any locally owned businesses that sell them, but if you can find one in your area, buy it from them. Otherwise, you can purchase one here.
Want a sneak peek at my message today?
“Learn how to select your thoughts just the same way you select what clothes you’re gonna wear every day. This is a power you can cultivate.” – Elizabeth Gilbert
11. Angel Cards
✓ Good for the soul
I don’t know much about this company, to be honest, but these cards are a staple in my life. I was introduced to them when I worked for lululemon. Before we started each shift, we would gather in a team huddle and once we had finished going over any administrative affairs that needed to be addressed, we would pick a card from the deck. Each card holds a single word – an intention that we are meant to focus on for that day. I pick one every morning and it totally helps to ground my day. I love these cards!
According to the description on Amazon, these are “The Original Angel Cards are one of the most powerful ways to connect with the angels. Angels are inner companions. They help us look at the world in ways that infuse our lives with vitality and assist us to experience the deepest levels of understanding, creativity, and caring. Each Angel card quality evokes your intuitive abilities and renews your spiritual connection. Created by Kathy Tyler and Joy Drake, the Angel Cards are an international best-seller–over 1.3 million sold in 6 languages.”
You can purchase them here.
✓ Women co-owned
✓ Mama owned
✓ Good for the planet
✓ Good for the body and soul
Online fitness has become the most popular way of working out in these times, but it’s not new to the party! That said, it can be hard to find your perfect fit. Where I know there are countless amazing platforms, hands down, my two favorites that have actually delivered me results (see these before and after photos to prove it) and from two women who are total #shebosses and #mombosses.
My first favorite is Unicorn Wellness Studio from former Equinox Fitness Pilates Regional Director and dancer, Tandy Gutierrez. This online pilates studio combines the power of reiki, pilates, the lunar cycle and tarot to bring you the most magical workouts in 30 minutes a day! I kid you not, 30 minutes is all it takes to see results, and I have only done them 4 times a week! I lost 6 pounds and an inch from my waist and couldn’t believe it. If you’d like to try it for free, head over to her website for a free 14 day trial.
Dancers truly do seem to know where it’s at, and Amanda Kloots of AK Fitness is no different. She has a wonderful subscription series for only $9.99/month! You can try it free for 7 days. I promise you and whoever you’re gifting this to won’t be disappointed!
Follow Tandy on Instagram.
Follow Amanda on Instagram or her Fitness Account here.
13. A Jump Rope
✓ Woman owned
✓ Mama owned
✓ Good for the body and soul (and your inner child!)
If you’re a busy mother like I am, sometimes all you can get is 10 minutes to work out (and let’s be honest, many days I can barely manage that).
I love the idea of jump rope! It’s amazing cardio and even a few minutes can go a long way. I’m talking 2 minutes, ladies. For real.
This jump rope from Amanda Kloots was designed specifically for her signature jump rope classes. It’s a great gift for any busy mama in your life, and you can feel good knowing your supporting a fellow woman and mama in purchasing one for here!
14. An Empowering Book to Help Mamas Find Their Voice or Their Path
✓ Woman owned
✓ Mama owned
✓ Good for the soul
There aren’t many great substitutes for a great book, especially one that inspires. Consider gifting the mamas in your life with a woman authored book to inspire them into the new year! I love Untamed by Glennon Doyle, Everything is Figureoutable by Marie Forleo, and Didn’t See That Coming from Rachel Hollis.
Follow Glennon Doyle on Instagram.
Follow Marie Forloe on Instagram.
Follow Rachel Hollis on Instagram.
15. A digital workshop from Almost 30
✓ Women owned
✓ Good for the soul
I have been listening to these ladies, Krista Williams and Lindsey Simcik on their spirituality podcast, Almost 30, for about 3 years now. I have catered a few of their events (when we used to meet in person) and attended some as well. And recently, I did one of their online courses for podcasters.
These ladies have a knack for curating the most amazing content and bringing together the most wonderful people. In lieu of their usually buzzing live events, they have turned to digital workshops. Each workshop is different, and focuses on a particular topic from one of the many guests they’ve had on their podcast. From human design to managing money to finding your voice, these ladies have got a lot to offer.
Consider gifting yourself or a friend one of their digital workshops, or any digital workshop from someone who you may follow and love. In supporting these or anyone, you are directly supporting a local business. Such a great gift that is good for the body, mind and soul!
Follow Almost 30 on Instagram.
✓ Woman owned
✓ Good for the soul
The founder of this amazing flower company, Christina, has a wonderful background story I highly recommend checking out here. Aside from disrupting the flower industry with her insanely beautiful and signature bouquets, it’s very important to Christina to source from ethical farms and companies. She also pays above minimum wage, offers full medical benefits and 401Ks, and keeps most things – including customer service – in house.
If you’re thinking of sending someone flowers this season – or any time – look no further than Farmgirl Flowers!
Follow them on Instagram (it is a true feast for your eyes).
17. A beautiful vase (like the ones they have at Farmgirl flowers)
✓ Woman owned
✓ Good for the soul
I don’t need to sing any more praises for Farmgirl Flowers, except to say that their vases are stunning! My husband got me a beautiful bouquet of flowers for my birthday one year, and they came in the most beautiful clear vase with a gold base. It has been my favorite vase ever since! I highly recommend gifting someone a beautiful vase, as it truly is the gift that continues to deliver a smile to someone’s face.
18. Natural toothpaste from Wellnesse
✓ Woman owned
✓ Mama owned
✓ Good for the planet
✓ Good for your body
It’s so important to choose non toxic ingredients not just for the health of you and your family, but also for the health of the planet. We have to stop settling for bad ingredients, especially when it comes to what we put in our mouths and on our bodies.
It may take some getting used to, I’ll give you that, but if you haven’t made the switch over to a natural toothpaste just yet, it’s time. I’m a big fan of Wellnesse, a company founded by podcaster Katie Wells of Wellness Mama as well as the toothpaste from Native.
It may seem like a strange gift, but gifting someone some natural toothpaste – along with some other natural products – could be just the thing to help your friends and family hop on the natural train this year!
Follow Wellnesse on Instagram.
Follow Native on Instagram.
19. Natural deodorant from Kopari
✓ Woman owned
✓ Mama owned
✓ Good for the planet
✓ Good for your body
I know I sound like a broken record, but it’s so important to use non toxic ingredients on your body, and for mamas especially – anything that goes so close to your boobs must must must be non toxic! There are many great brands out there now, and my personal favorites are from mama founded, Kopari Beauty, and from Native. I have also heard good things about Hume, founded by Kelly LeVeque of Be Well by Kelly, though I have yet to try it.
Consider combining this with the natural toothpaste, a toothbrush, and some other natural products!
Follow Kopari on Instagram.
Follow Hume on Instagram.
20. Luxurious eye mask for meditation
✓ Good for your body and soul
Whether you’re a mom or not, it’s safe to say that we could all use a little reminder to practice some self care. Consider gifting the women in your life with a luxurious eye mask like this one from Anthropologie, or else find one in a local shop in your town. Consider combining it with the either the gifts above, or else with the upcoming 3 gifts.
Follow Anthropologie on Instagram.
21. Crystals
✓ Good for your body and soul
Who doesn’t love pretty things? I have been collecting crystals for a few years now, and every time I get a new one, I put it in the windowsill in my bathroom. Every time I look at my collection, it makes me happy.
Consider picking out some crystals for the close friends in your life. Need some guidance on how to pick them? Start with making a list of things your friend or family member could use some help with. Does she have a lot of stress or worry? Could she use some extra energy? Does she have trouble sleeping? There is a crystal for everything. Use this guide to pick the right crystals, and then seek them out from a local shop like this one on Etsy (another great way to support local!).
22. Epsom Salts and a Bamboo bath tray
✓ Good for your body and soul
✓ Woman owned
✓ Mama owned
While we are on the self care track, I can’t think of anything more beautifully paired with crystals then a warm bath to soak in while enjoying said crystals! And bonus – add epsom salts to help detox the body and replenish magnesium!
Consider buying epsom salts from a local business, like this one from LA local mama, Sophie Jaffe, as well as the bamboo bath tray. But if you need some inspiration, here is a great bamboo bath tray recommended by a wonderful woman I follow named Alison Wuhaus.
Follow Alison on Instagram (she has one of the most beautiful accounts I’ve ever seen).
Follow Sophie Jaffe on Instagram.
23. Flameless candles
✓ Good for your body and soul
I’ve been taking epsom salt baths once a week at the advice of my friend from gift #12, Tandy Gutierrez of Unicorn Wellness Studio. It has been amazing to schedule 40 minutes to soak in a hot bath, even though I admittedly am not quite a bath person. But there is something about water that is so healing, and I’m really beginning to enjoy my bath time!
Rather than turn on the bright lights of the bathroom, though, I’ve been using my 3 chunky flameless candles as light instead! The dim lighting really adds to the spa-like feeling of the bath, and since they are flameless, I don’t have to worry about fire! And bonus: since I have curious young children, when I’m using the candles outside of the bathroom, I don’t have to worry about curious little fingers knocking anything over and starting a fire!
You can get these candles in all sorts of shapes and sizes. Here is a good place to start.
24. A Journal and pen
✓ Good for your body and soul
What else goes well with a bath and a bamboo tray for that bath? A journal! Pick a journal – any journal will do! Whatever you can do to encourage your friends to write is a good thing. This particular journal is from Shinola, but go ahead and find a local store in your area – or even on Etsy – and buy one from them! And make it glamorous by adding a gold pen to the mix! There is something that feels so lovely about writing with a beautiful pen, don’t you think?
✓ Good for your soul
While you’re at it with the journal, consider gifting someone this time block planner to help them get efficient and intentional in 2021! This particular planner has been featured in the New York Times, The New Yorker, and Entrepreneur Magazine, and is meant to help us get focused in a distracted world. This is probably the only gift in this guide that wasn’t created by a woman, but it doesn’t make it any less amazing! Anything we can do to encourage less distraction is a bonus for anyone, especially for a starved-for-time-and-self-care mama!
26. An Organic Cotton White T-Shirt from Mate the Label or WearPact
✓ Woman owned
✓ Good for the planet
✓ Good for your body and soul
Who couldn’t use an organic cotton white t-shirt? It’s a perfect staple for any wardrobe. I personally probably have about 15 of them, and honestly, if someone gifted me one more, I’d be ecstatic. For me, a white t-shirt is the modern day equivalent of a little black dress.
I personally have a few from Mate the Label, a local LA company that makes clean essentials with non toxic, organic, natural materials. I love the way they fit: not too tight in the belly (where my I-have-had-two-children stomach skin can hide safely behind the fabric) but nicely fitted on the shoulders. I haven’t tried any from WearPact, but I’ve been watching the company for a while now and they are really growing their line. I’m excited to test them out next!
If you’re wondering about your environmental impact when it comes to buying clothes, this sums things up quite nicely as quote from Mate’s website:
“The fashion industry is dirty and we are here to clean it up. Did you know that there are over 8,000 synthetic chemicals used in clothing manufacturing? Many of these chemicals are known to be carcinogenic, endocrine disrupting and hazardous to our health…Organic Cotton uses 87% less water than conventionally grown cotton and emits 45% less greenhouse gases. Conventional cotton is also notorious for using more pesticides than any other crop in the world. The use of these chemicals has led to the hospitalization of up to 1 million farmworkers every
year. ”
I don’t know about you but I would prefer to put my money on companies that are cleaning up a dirty industry.
Follow Mate the Label on Instagram.
Follow WearPact on Instagram.
✓ Woman owned
✓ Good for the planet
Ok, this one is a splurge, but trust me, as a chef who has spent too much money to count on fancy pans, cookware and utensils, I can tell you, this pan is worth its weight in gold. Founded by Shiza Shahid along with her two other partners, Our Place is a company that focuses on minimalist but practical functionality in the kitchen. The Always Pan is a cult favorite, and though it is admittedly a little bit small, I can honestly tell you that I use it at least twice a day. Aside from the company being female led and founded, I’m also a fan because of the non toxic non stick coating, which feels like a unicorn in the world of cooking! So, if you want to splurge, you cannot go wrong with The Always Pan!
There isn’t anything quite like a beautiful dress to bring out the strong feminine within us all. But who says you have to be going to a fancy party to wear one? Why can’t you wear one on any given day?
I recently learned about this mama, Zoey Tzfanya, who started a clothing company called Spring Time in Brooklyn just 7 weeks before her husband – and father of their 2 young children – passed away suddenly. After taking some time away, Zoey has relaunched her company and her beauty and strength inside and out is reflected in her beautiful line of clothing.
I’ll be the first to admit that I’d take a pair of sweatpants and a white t-shirt over a dress any day, but in a recent Instagram post, Zoey did a video about the importance of getting dressed, particularly when you are grieving. I personally haven’t experienced the kind of loss that this incredible mama has, but her post resonated with me. Because a lot of my days as a mom right now feel hard, and a lot of the time, I don’t do anything to symbolically show up. I just roll out of bed and into the day without doing anything to draw a line in the sand as if to say, “Ok, mom life. I’ve got this. I’m here. Let’s do this!”
I remember once Elizabeth Gilbert gave the advice to do the same thing: whenever she was having writer’s block, she would get dressed – in nice clothes – even if she was only moving from her bedroom to her home office. There is something about getting dressed and showing up that sends a message both to the universe and to yourself that hey, I’m here for it.
SO – if you want to spoil yourself or a special friend in your life while also supporting a newly widowed mama of two young children, consider a dress from Spring Time In Brooklyn.
Follow them on Instagram.
29. Non Toxic Cleaning Products from Branch Basics
I have become incredibly picky about the products I use not just to clean my body, but also, to clean the things inside my home! My kids are constantly rolling around and eating things off the floor (just me?), so it’s important to me that we use non toxic cleaners throughout the house.
I was introduced to Branch Basics when I heard the founders on the Almost 30 podcast (are you noticing a theme here?) a few years ago. The company was founded by three women when, after being told she wouldn’t have children due to her PCOS, one of the founders decided to clear out all of the toxins in her home. That included everything from toxic nail polish and removers to dish soap, laundry detergent and every day household cleaners. After doing this clean sweep, her PCOS eventually went away, and she went onto have two children without intervention.
I’ve been using these products for a few years now and I LOVE them. Why not gift someone in your life the gift of non toxic cleaning products? Maybe it’s weird, but maybe it’s not. In giving this non toxic gift, you are potentially handing someone the keys to better health. That’s a gift you can’t put a price on!
Follow them on Instagram.
30. A gift from any of these and ANY Black Owned Businesses
The Black Lives Matter movement exposed a lot of blind spots in me that I didn’t necessarily want to see. I have a lot of work to do to unpack my systemic racism, and I’ll continue to do the work, as uncomfortable as it feels. But nothing worth it ever really feels comfortable, so I’m here for it.
In buying for friends and family this holiday season, please be sure to support not just women owned, local businesses, and businesses that are good for the environment, but also consider buying from women of color owned businesses as well. Take the time to be thoughtful and to do your research.
The hosts of The Almost 30 Podcast game me this list of black women owned brands to support in 2020. Take a look and consider buying from any of these incredible women.
https://www.blackenterprise.com/20-millennial-black-women-owned-brands-to-support-in-2020/
In addition to this list, I would add:
- Body Complete RX – a plant based supplements company for health and beauty started by mama, Samia Gore.
- Millana Snow – a trusted voice in the wellness industry, Millana is a reiki healer, entrepreneur, and the founder of Wellness Official, a “home to practitioners from all over the world with healing content, services, and resources that represent, empower and embrace diversity and the lineages wellness practices came from.” Check out her episode on the Almost 30 Podcast to learn more.
- Jas the Moon Mother – Jas offers private coaching as well as corporate wellness in human design. She works with clients to help them awaken their soul’s authentic blue print. Check out her episode with Krista and Lindsey on Almost 30 to learn more and be prepared to fall in love!
If you have any other businesses to add to this list, please email me at lauren@themomfeed.com and I will add it!
That’s all she wrote for now, mamas.
Remember: you vote with your wallet. You use your voice with your wallet. Choose wisely. Choose to empower. Choose to be supportive. Choose to be apart of the change you want to see in the world, not just for you, but for those who will come after you.
Happy holidays to you and yours!
With much love and appreciation for you,
Lauren
xoxo
Additional Businesses
Some of you fabulous women emailed me and wanted me to include your business in this guide. You asked, I listened.
Here you go, everyone, more women owned businesses you can support!
The Gift of Meal Delivery or a Private Chef with Mama Monica Castillo
Who doesn’t love a home cooked meal? Support this Malibu local mama by grabbing some yummy food from her or hiring her to cook privately for you! A mom of 3, Monica is hard working and a master in the kitchen. Check her out!
Homemade Baked Goods from twin mama, Amy Robertson
Who doesn’t love a good homemade cookie or granola? Amy’s baked goods from Amy’s Bake Shop are nothing short of amazing. This twin mama has got skills in the kitchen. Consider getting something homemade for your friends and family (and keep some for yourself too) this holiday season.
Beautiful Artwork from Designer, Niya Christine
Add some beauty to yours and your friends’ walls this holiday season with something beautiful from designer, Niya Christine! Niya is a brilliant designer and she even designed this very website!
A fun Mug from Twin Sisters, Lauren and Sari from Creative Cravings
Who doesn’t love a good mug of tea or hot chocolate at this time of year? Lauren and Sari have launched their own podcast called Creative Cravings, and they’ve got some mug swag for you to check out!
